How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

3 Innovative Ways To Attract Money To You

It’s no secret everyone yearns to have more money in their wallet or bank account. Developing a healthy relationship with money is essential if you want to have more of it.

Money is, after all, just another energy. Yet so much emphasis has been placed on it.

We are told as children that money doesn’t grow on trees.

We are pushed to ‘keep up with the Jones’ and over and over we are told ‘money is what makes the world go ’round.’

All of this gives money an inordinate amount of power.

If you have an unhealthy relationship with money, you will never create the abundance you wish you had. In order to change your financial world, you need to change your feelings and paradigm about money. You need to change the way you think, feel and act about money.

If you believe you will never have enough money, you will never have enough money. What you focus on the most gives you exactly what you focus on the most.

These fun and practical little tips will magnify your energy and get the Law of Attraction sending more prosperity your way.

  1. Learn to pick up coins from the ground: Ask my friends and family how many times I find coins on the ground and it will blow you away. I always pick them up, hold them to my heart (Thanking The Universe) and then put them in my pocket. Even if it’s just five cents, make sure you bend down and pick up the money! You’ll show the Universe that you are open to collecting abundance. When you feel like you’d be embarrassed or self-conscious about doing this, I want you to re-frame it so that you are looking after the money. You are a conscious custodian of cash making sure that money feels loved. This generates the energy of appreciation.
  2. Write Yourself A Check: Do you know the story about Jim Carrey? Jim Carrey was a struggling young comedian trying to make money in Hollywood. He was just about to give up his dream of becoming a professional actor and comedian when he was booed off the stage at an open mic session in an LA nightclub.Jim sat by himself at the top of Mulholand Drive contemplating his success or failure. He then pulled out his check book and wrote himself a big fat check for $10 million dollars and made a note on it: “for acting services rendered.”He then carried that check with him in his wallet everywhere he went from that day forward.By 1995, after the success of his blockbuster movies: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Dumb and Dumber, and The Mask, his contract price had risen to the price of $20 million dollars.Write yourself a check for a specific amount and place it in your purse or wallet.
  3. Learn to love your bills: Sounds crazy right? Hold on as I explain. When bills land in your e-mail inbox or your mail box make sure that you mentally send them love and say thank you to the Universe for the services you have received in exchange for the bill. Draw little hearts on them and use the bills as an affirmation that prosperity flows into your life in many forms in order for you to pay your bills on time. Whatever you do, don’t send the bills negative energy. Try and re-frame your perspective. Remember that more than 80% of the world’s population survive on less than $10 per day. There’s something to think about.

Developing a healthy relationship with money is critical if you are someone who wants to attract more of it. Continuing your unhealthy relationship is a choice and quite honestly a bit of a cop out. Even if you just want enough to survive and occasionally take a little vacation, adopting a healthy relationship with money is imperative to achieve that.

Fast Weight Loss Diets That Shrink Belly Fat

Getting a Firm Belly

A lot of importance is placed upon tight flat stomachs. Marketing campaigns are always promoting items that will accomplish this. Although many individuals want to lose their belly fat, due to appearances, one main reason to reduce this fat is your health! However, experts are now saying that it is okay to have a little fat, as long as you are not overweight.

Belly flab and high blood pressure, as well as high cholesterol, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes have been linked to belly fat. In order to be at no health risk, men should not have a waist measuring more than 40 inches, and women must have a 35 inch waist or less.

Below are some good techniques to help you reduce dangerous abdominal fat and get a firm belly:

· Exercise More, Eat Better

Calories do not have to be burnt at a gym or workout class; this can be done when you participate in everyday activities. For example, yard work burns several hundred calories per hour. Whereas organized sports, like football, burn even more. Another great activity to burn calories is swimming. Still another way to burn calories is to engage in walking.

Your fat-burning metabolism will kick into overdrive with Cardio exercise. All you need is persistence and perseverance; the trick is to find an activity you like. If you stick to it, the pounds will melt away. It’s also imperative to alter your routine to ward off boredom, as well as to get maximum calorie burning results.

In order to get a firm belly, there are different exercises that you can implement into your schedule. The American Council on Exercise did a study to find out the best types of exercise to incorporate into any weight loss program. Their findings included supine bicycle, captain’s chair leg lifts, and vertical leg crunches. These exercises are thought to work the abs more than any other exercises. Other good exercises include twisting crunches and exercise ball crunches. These activities should be done several times a week in order to obtain a slimmer waistline. Detailed step-by-step tutorials for each exercise can be found on the internet. However, if you are an outside person and your yard needs mowed, this activity will move all those muscles in the right way. However you must engage in this activity at least 20 minutes, non- stop.

Different foods can help you get a firm belly. Foods high in protein and fiber are slenderizing, however sugary carbs increase belly fat rather quickly. You should look for a diet consisting of complex carbs, unsaturated fats, and lean protein sources; a classic example is the South Beach diet. The diet solution has a high success rate and is a natural way of losing weight.

· Reduce Stress

The reducing of stress can be accomplished at the same time that you are losing belly fat. This can be done through the implementation of yoga. Yoga has a two-fold effect on our bellies, as follows:

1. It reduces stress levels. Stress very often leads to weight gain. Stress-induced weight gain often results in belly fat. In this way, stress reduction can give you a flatter stomach and at the same time, actually lower your risk for many diseases.

2. Yoga also tones the muscles in your stomach. A yoga routine that includes supine poses and other postures will work the abdominal muscles. You might want to check out a yoga DVD or video tape, or you can also try to go through some yoga tutorials.

All in all, it takes time and effort to get that dream belly, but it sure is worth it!

Are Motorcycles Covered Under California Lemon Law?

When you buy a motorcycle, either from a previous owner, or from a dealer, you expect to run properly. Having to repair the vehicle on and on should make you a bit suspicious. Failing to properly function after a consecutive number of repair attempts is a clear sign that you deal with what is commonly known as a "lemon". We know that there are specific consumer laws regarding lemon car in California, but does the law also cover lemon motorcycles?

Yes, motorcycles fall within the scope of California's Lemon Law. If you have had promised warranty repairs or excessive time in the repair shop, then you should call a lemon law lawyer for further assistance. California law covering motorcycles, trailers and boats is a bit different that the law covering cars. Under the California Lemon Law, motorcycles are covered by Civil Code section 1793.2 (d) (1) which covers "consumer goods."

Consumer goods are covered by lemon laws if they are sold with a written warranty and they are bought for personal or household use. Just like cars, consumer goods must be subjected to a reasonable number of repairs before being declared "lemons". But, unlike cars, a manufacturer can repurchase the product or replace it in order to fulfill its obligations under the California's lemon law. The good news is that the found defect need not "fundamentally impair the use, value or safety", meaning that you can recover your money even for some minor defects.

Typical defects compromising the safety of driving a motorcycle, making lemon cases stronger than in the case of cars. It is important to collect as much of the repair documentation as possible. They will support your claim and will allow you to settle the claim faster. Also keep track of accidents during operation of the bike is also helpful. Sale documentation and warranties provided at the time of sale can again make a claim stronger and easier to obtain a refund.

Owners of faulty, lemon motorcycles can ask for a replacement motorcycle or a full buyback. The latter will include:

• Full motorcycle price or paid monthly payments and down payment
• Registration fees
• Sales tax
• Incidental damages
• Vehicle rental cost and towing reimbursements
• Attorney`s fees

However, a small amount of money may be calculated and deducted from the repurchase costs, The sum of money is based on the mileage that the motorcycle was driven for prior to the first problem.